If a proposal has come in your direction from a person whom you are satisfied with their level of Deen – which means their closeness to Allah, their religion (they don’t have to be, you know, so pious, but on an acceptable level, perhaps they read their Salah, they’re responsible in their relationship with Allah) – and secondly, their character and conduct is of an acceptable level; if you have those two, then let it happen.
And you know what the Hadith says if you don’t? Oh, this is my favorite part. You know why it’s my favorite part? We say it, we repeat it, and we see parents do exactly the opposite and face the same consequences mentioned by the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wasallam, and they blame everyone else.
So, the Hadith says, “If good character came to you with decent Deen…” Now, what does good character mean? You need a responsible guy, a responsible person. So, you have responsibility, mashallah, they’re responsible, and they have Deen. They’re good.
I can talk to a young man for a few moments and I can have an idea of how he carries himself. For example, I may not know the details. I could find out, you could go deeper and deeper. And don’t just be satisfied at a statement uttered by someone, you know, “Yeah, this guy is like that.” No. Sometimes they have ulterior motives.
I’ve known of many cases of people whom the parent asks one of their relatives, a brother or some sister or someone, that, you know, “My daughter is interested in this guy,” and they say, “No, he’s on drugs.” But you know what? He’s not. So why did they say that? Because they were eyeing out the same child for their daughter. Subhan Allah. Wow.
It’s a reality. You may not like what I just said. There are some from amongst you who are really, really in that situation, Subhan Allah, where people just come and say nasty things. They’ve said it about me, and about you. Anything they can say, “This guy is like this,” “This guy promotes violence, hatred,” and you know it’s not true. It’s absolutely false. But why do they say it? Because of some weakness they have. You need to help them. The problem is you’ve just destroyed someone’s life by lying.
You speak the truth. If you don’t know, say, “Look, I really don’t know.” And if you know something, you say, “Look, I know something. It doesn’t mean they’re still like that, but I do know perhaps some time back this was the issue and the problem.”
But the difficulty is, as soon as the child raises an issue at home that, “You know, I’m interested in someone,” – know it. Why? We’re living in a world where we interact with people. You probably have the best child. It doesn’t mean that because she has come up or he has come up to you with some suggestion from the school or the workplace, that they’re already having an affair. It doesn’t mean that. It doesn’t mean that they’ve started in a Haram way. Not necessarily.
You have to take it seriously. You have to communicate. You find out. And if that person happens to be genuine, if that person, no matter who they are, where they come from, if they happen to be genuine, sincere, guess what? You’re going to have an uphill task trying to say no now, because you have Allah and His Rasool on one side, and you have your ego on the other. Subhan Allah.
Like I said, you might have had your dream, but you have to adjust it as time passes because now something I didn’t calculate has just happened. How should I deal with it? We’re living in the real world. You’re going to have to deal with it by facing it, by understanding it. Like I said, look at the guidelines of the Deen and try your best to help your child.
My beloved children, definitely take what your parents have to say seriously. And if they don’t listen to you at all, try again, and keep trying.